So… my baby will be one year old in 31 days.  How the heck did that happen?

Four.  I wanted four kids.  FOUR, people. Clearly I was drinking too much crazy water back then.  My aforementioned stupid theory on child rearing (From my 20′s) goes as follows:

ONE – I knew for sure I didn’t want just one child because on the one hand only children have a tendency to be spoiled, childish and unable to relate to their peers (in my experience) and on the other hand I didn’t want to have just one child because should (god forbid) anything happen to said child I would be left childless and that would be awful.

TWO – Two just didn’t make any sense either because two is such a small number and what if (again, god forbid) something happened to one child and I was left with a now-only child?  See previous statement.

THREE – Three kids just wasn’t a valid option.  Middle child syndrome.  The end.

FOUR – This seemed to be the perfect number to me.  I avoid the only child complex, the middle child complex  and the fear of going from two to one.

FIVE – Yes, there was a time when I thought five kids was a great idea.  But  inside the theory I fall back into a middle-child category and also, FIVE IS WAY TOO FREAKING MANY KIDS.  I WOULD GO INSANE.

Well, now that I’m old (did I mention I turned 30 in April?) and now that I have two amazing kids, I know this for sure: My twenty year old self is a childless know-it-all fool.

It will never matter how many, or how few, children I have.  I will love them all with every fiber of my being in a way that no one else ever will.  There is no perfect number, no ability to really put a stop on how many you “want” because no matter how many kids I end up with, whether planned or “oops!” babies, I would want each and every one of them and love them no matter first or second or middle or last.  Because they are mine.  And mine are amazing.

Maybe it’s because Avelyn is growing into the most incredible little girl, or maybe it’s because my Noah is EIGHT MONTHS of bubbly baby perfection, or maybe it’s because there are 6 pregnant nurses on my unit but man, I am already wistful for the feeling of new life. 

I guess what I’m saying is that even though I am done having kids, I have the two most amazing children the world has ever seen… so that means if ever there were a third he or she would be mindblowing.  No?

Also, I am 99.4% certain there is someone, somewhere that has developed a machine that allows them to slow time for themselves allowing them to accomplish all their goals and I am 100% certain they are not sharing that machine with me.  How awesome would that be?

December recap:

• I worked a lot.
• The belly got bigger.  And it moves a lot now.  And it’s pretty painful from about 3pm on each and every day.
• I paid for all my Christmas with cash, a first (the freedom of debt free Christmas is NOT to be underrated).
• Avelyn and I made a few pretty cool Christmas crafts I may or may not get around to sharing here.
• Got home from work on Christmas Eve at 3:45am.
• Had a wonderful (albeit tired) Christmas morning watching Avelyn excitedly open her gifts.
• Started feeling bad Christmas afternoon.
• Woke up officially feeling sick the next day but pretended not to notice and enjoyed taking (and again, watching) Avelyn see The Nutcracker for the first time.
• Worked 44 hours the next week while simultaneously fighting the worst cold ever (again).

Now it’s January.  Of two thousand ELEVEN.  Which is only significant because I blinked and two thousand TEN flew by.  Also, in two thousand ELEVEN I will be having another baby.  Another baby y’all.  And may I just tell you that I am woefully unprepared.  Woooooefullly.

Just yesterday at work my friend was asking how far along I was and I had to reference the app on my phone that reminds me because no, I never remember how many weeks I am because a) this ain’t my first rodeo and b) if you’re also a mom of a fantabulous two year old you just know.  So my lovely iPhone app let me know that I am in fact 32 weeks along which means that in about TWO FLIPPIN’ MONTHS (or maybe even less, ohmygod) another baby will come flying out of my body and turn my world, again, upside down.

In a nutshell I randomly flip back and forth between running at warp speed through our everyday everydayness and having moments of sheer panic when I realize that I have done nothing, and I repeat without a hint of sarcasm, NOTHING TO PREPARE FOR THIS CHILD.  Of course we still have the infant carseat and the travel system stroller, the infant bathtub, bouncer, swing.  And if you like that my son be bathed and clothed entirely in pink and purple for his first two years then technically I have everything I need and can quit worrying about doing anything else.

But I’m a little particular when it comes to being that much of a frugal tight ass and have no plans to bathe or clothe my first and probably only son in pink and purple.  When I think about it, there’s not THAT much to do in the next 6 weeks (six weeks being my goal to get everything done since I can’t imagine I’ll be doing much of anything after giving birth, if my previous recovery experience repeats itself).

I mean really, all we have to do is:

1. Get that corner wall fixed in the spare room that had a leak a few months back and is now growing hair and shares a cold draft with the rest of the room.
2. Set up the new crib and convince Kevin to take down the queen bed that is taking up the whole rest of the room. (Which I must admit was my original idea since he will continue working and will need some sort of sleep.  However now I am more concerned with my nesting instincts that are telling me TAKE DOWN THE BED.  YOU WILL HATE WALKING INTO THAT ROOM WITH A GIGANTIC BED IN IT.)
3. Find an old dresser (preferably) and hope it’s chic enough to use as is or repaint it in a fantastic matching color.
4. MAKE A DECISION already about whether I really want to tackle sewing the crib bedding or just buy one online and hope I don’t hate it like I did Avelyn’s.
5. Recover the cushions for our squeaky old glider or buy a new rocker.
6. Buy more than the one, repeat ONE, piece of clothing we own for “baby brudder boy” which was only purchased courtesy of big sister Avelyn.
7. Go through the piles of old girl clothes and decide which ones to send to friends and which ones to keep.  This has been the hardest thing to tackle thus far.
8. Not go into labor anytime soon.
9. Not stress about all the crap I have to do and just take a few moments here and there to appreciate the three of us as we are, before we become four.
10. (No #10, 9 just felt like a weird ending.)

That is all.  I really want to find the time to write more here but considering how many times I’ve said that, and how each and every time I have failed, don’t expect too much.  Do you read Kickyboots?  Her post yesterday just about sums up the way I feel most days.  Between 12-14 hour work days three days a week and that 24/7 job called being a parent I guess feeling stretched too thin is par for the course.  I can’t complain though.  We are happy, HEALTHY, and living our own life.  It’s a good place to be.  I hope you are doing just as well.

Then I opened up another link and watched a video of some dear friends and their very new baby boy.  Both of these things made me beam with pride and my stomach swirl with excitement about my very own, very tiny, very loved baby still growing in my belly.

I do a lot of complaining these days about this situation going on in my body because pregnancy takes away all your control.  Your body is changing, everywhere, everyday and it’s a fast change.  It’s not like the first time, where I remember marveling at every turn, in awe with every kick, every flutter, every week I got bigger.  This time I am bigger than before, pretty sure I pee more, and am certain I am more tired.  Breathing is difficult, the all day dose of reflux is disgusting, my feet hurt all the time and I work in a job that constantly reminds me how precious this child’s life is. Add to that it’s Christmas time (my FAVORITE time of the year mind you) and the emotions and obligations and stress that come with it and blah, blah, blah, I don’t think I’ve been nearly as thankful or joyful as I should be.

So, here it’s going to change, I hope, because this is MY baby, and I’m falling in love with him more each day.  This is MY holiday, and I don’t have to buy/do/spend any extra time with anyone than is reasonably warranted given what I can handle on any given day.  My sanity and comfort level is more important than anything I’m “supposed” to do.

This is MY last pregnancy (that I know of… or think I want… and I’m 99.5% sure I do not need more than 2 children) so I want to remember to embrace all those things I couldn’t wait to feel again when I wanted to be pregnant.  The kicks are only mine for a few more weeks.  This boy will only be with me for another blink of the eye and then poof! he will be here and I will have to share him with the world.

I remember that little part of me that felt jealous and sad after Avelyn was born and someone else was holding her, like I had lost her and needed her in my arms thatverysecond for the world to be right again.  I know I will feel that again with this baby, so thinking of that makes me want to wrap my arms around myself and enjoy this time of  just us.  Too soon the world will try and stake it’s claim.  He will be, “my grandson”, “my nephew”, “my brother”, and even though he will be all of those things, he will always have been MY son just a little bit longer.

I still tell Avelyn, “Mommy will always love you more than anyone else in the whole world, always.  You grew in my body and I got to know you eight months more than anyone else.”  I want this baby to know that too.  I will always, always, always love him more than anyone else, because he grew in me.  And I’ve loved him from the very beginning.

A few things I’m thinking about right now:

Annalee’s recipe for chicken skewers is to die for.  I’ve been making it something ridiculous like once a week.  It’s super easy and quick and utterly delicious.  It makes me happy.  MAKE IT.

Also making me happy is this last minute-made from leftover stuff in the fridge-sandwich.  It was really good, but don’t just take my opinion.  The fact that I got my child, a picky two year old food connoisseur to devour it should tell you that it was pretty good.

1. Heat some olive oil in a skillet.
2. Throw some diced chicken breast/tenders, chopped bell pepper and chopped onion in there, sprinkle with seasoning (I used Zatarain’s creole season) and cook through. Remove from heat and throw in some chunks of Monterrey Jack cheese until it’s all melted.
3. Throw delicious looking mixture on some kind of fresh roll from the grocer (I loathe regular sandwich bread) and enjoy.  MAKE IT.

We went to New Orleans in the middle of June  and claimed it as a vacation but really it was used as a launch pad for Kevin to abandon us again to work in Chicago all summer… not that I’m a little bitter that he’s there and I’m stuck in Texas or anything.

NO was hot, the food was (mostly) delicious, the zoo was fun and the French Quarter is pretty cool to walk around.  We never rode the trolley, and I left Bourbon Street after dark to Kevin and the rest of the gang but we had a fantastic time.  If you ever visit and need some food recommendations, I highly suggest the following, in no particular order. Muriel’s Jackson Square, Gumbo Shop, Mr. B’s Bistro.  Also, in a pinch, the Audobon Zoo had really impressive red beans and rice and crawfish étouffée.  Best zoo food I’ve ever had.

See the whole trip here.

I didn’t anticipate the bulk of this post being about food but I guess I’ve got food on the brain.  You see… 

It’s still super-duper early, I just found out a few days ago, and I know I really shouldn’t be telling anybody yet but I just could not wait.  It was finally something to write about and I know you guys will send out lots of good thoughts for me (pretty please).  I have no real reason to be but I am feeling very anxious this time around.  Maybe now that we *sort of* planned on this pregnancy I recognize how precious this opportunity is.

Plus now I can start telling you all the uber adorable things Avelyn has been saying like, “I can’t see the baby. It’s in your belly!” and “Come out Baby! Wake up!” and “I wuv you, Baby. Shh, Mommy, Baby is sleeeeeping.”  She (and I) have known for a total of 4 days now and it seems she grasps the broad concept quite nicely.  Me thinks she has the making for an awesome big sister.

So now that the news is out there, can you please keep this info between me and your little blog reading self?  We may or may not know a lot of the same people and I’m not really planning to make an announcement to the real world for several weeks.  See how special being a blogger can be sometimes?

I mean, didn’t I just become her mother yesterday?  Because I’m pretty sure my baby is, well… missing.

I swear I just blinked my eyes for a split second and when they opened again this girl was standing before me.

An absolutely beautiful, wild haired, funny child who looked a lot like my baby, but oh so different.

This girl talks a lot.  And laughs at jokes.  And makes jokes of her own.  My baby didn’t use to do that.

If you see my baby will you please tell her I didn’t realize I should have made an appointment to say goodbye?  And while you’re at it, go ahead and tell this new girl hello, because I am absolutely sure I will keep her around as long as I can.  And I swear I will try really hard not to blink for the next few years.

Happy Mother’s Day to us all.

• This is Avelyn’s last week of daycare.  Keeping her home will save us thousands, I mean THOUSANDS, of dollars a year.  It will be hard and I will be dog tired sometimes but I will try hard to keep the end goal (and maybe some $$$ signs?) in sight.
• Work is still going well.  I am blessed to enjoy my job and my only regret is that I wasted years and owe tens of thousands of dollars on a worthless degree that brought nothing but grief. Moving on…
• No bun in the proverbial oven yet so thanks for not asking.  The only thing worse than being unsure if you really want to do this again is being asked about it.  If it happens, great, if not, I’m cool with the one I’ve got.
• Valentine’s is a holiday I’ve never been into.  At least Kevin remembered to get me a card.  As far as I’m concerned the only good part about Valentine’s day is the build up, especially with little girls as it involves wearing lots of pink and red and making your meals extra cutesy.

• Apparently it does not also involve taking pictures of the actual Valentine’s day.  Or any day for that matter.  My overzealous picture taking days ended when one almost-two-year old starting acting like an almost-two-year old, i.e. CRAZY AND WON’T HOLD STILL.
• At least when I do get around to snapping the old camera I have a really cute subject to point my lens at.

• I’m scheduled to take some sewing classes that came free with my new machine I got for Christmas.  I’m really looking forward to it.  Although a big part of me is going numb imagining the chaos that is bound to ensue.  If only you could have seen the destruction from the last time I tried loading the bobbin (is that even proper terminology?) and threading a needle.  OY. VEY.
• Planning Avelyn’s 2nd birthday is both really fun (The ideas! The colors! The endless possible options for themes!) and infuriating.  The invitations are so grand looking in my head, and then I try to make them.  They just look so MEH.  The obvious answer is to seek help but really, does that sound like me?  No.  No it doesn’t.  Why do I have to be so OCD sometimes?
• We are going to Oklahoma this weekend to spend a few days with my best friend and take Avelyn to an event I hope she will enjoy.  I’m really looking forward to getting away for some quality Katie time.  I needs me some belly laughs.
• Last week I bought a membership to the Children’s Museum and we had a grand first visit.  My only complaint is for all of the inconsiderate parents out there who don’t observe the rules of the three and under section.  It very clearly states this section is only for 0-36 months AND that it is an area FREE OF SHOES.  That means your EIGHT year old rambunctious son is NOT supposed to be in there regardless of the fact that your three year old daughter is.  Especially with his dirty ass shoes on.  I mean come on!

Well that’s it I guess.  Run out of steam.  Consider this my lame attempt to delve back into writing.  Baby steps, people.  Baby steps.

The fact is I AM BUSY*. I work between 36 and 50 hours a week at night, sleep a few hours during the day and still manage to be a full time mom every other waking minute. That leaves very little time to sit down in front of a computer and spend time typing.

Not to mention the fact that my husband is always hinting that my few precious evenings at home with him should not be spent in front of a computer screen romancing the internets with my wit.  Especially since (if all goes according to plan and you internets people keep prodding me in the right direction) I may or may not be persuaded to possibly admit that I am kind of sort of maybe or maybe not hoping to embark on another nine months of water retention and swollen ankles sometime in early 2010.  Maybe.  MAYBE.  But anyway.  Ahem. 

I started this post days ago with the attempt to fill it up to HERE with pictures.  Pictures galore! I tell you but then… sigh… then my laptop started freaking out LIKE IT ALWAYS FREAKING DOES and it was taking 10 minutes to open a single file and I quit.  I did this several times before I wizened up and just started updating my Flickr account.  SO.  Without further adieu…

Airplane watching.

Finger pointing.

Generally looking cute.

Wheely bugging.

No really, REALwheely bugging.

Hot chocolate.

Hot breakfasts.

Early morning attitude. 

Laughing.

Crafting.

Baking.

Loving.

Crying.

Practicing for the street life.

Growing up a little.

Growing up a lot.

I’d love to post the 2 1/2 minute video of her first school program performance but I am choosing not to for several reasons.  1) There is very little “performing” from the Hobo unless you consider a generally uncomfortable facial expression and sitting like a lump in the teachers lap a performance and 2) There are a ton of other kids in the video and I’m not one to post videos of other peoples kids without their permission.  Let me just tell you, it was really, really cute and she was REALLYREALLYREALLY-NO REALLY, I REALLY MEAN IT! -SHE WAS SO DAMN CUTE!

I would also like to post a clip from our Christmas morning but it’s on Kevin’s HD camera that is only able to be uploaded on his (not a fraction as crappy as mine) computer and the odds of it ever being seen by human eyeballs is slim to none.  I’m still waiting on my wedding video he promised.  SEVEN AND A HALF YEARS AGO.

Love that guy.

But really, the footage from Christmas wasn’t all that bad considering I had worked until 3:45am Christmas Eve and didn’t crawl into bed until 6am Christmas morning.  Oh-and Avelyn and I were fighting the BIG BAD COLD OF ALL COLDS.

Do any of you watch 30 Rock?  If you don’t, START WATCHING.  It is one of the funniest shows on television.  For reals, y’all.  (That was me channeling Britney Spears there, so you’d know how serious I was).  Anyway, after the “Dealbreakers Talk Show #0001″ episode (Watch it.  NOW. And not just this episode. THE WHOLE SERIES.) I was more than a little worried about the sandbags of fatal exhaustion I had hanging beneath my eyes that the HD camera would surely emphasize.  Turns out HD decided to go easy on me and my sandbag eyes.  Probably only because it was Christmas but still. 

I was more than a little impressed with myself, which is rare for the self deprecating hate monkey I carry around on my back.  Maybe I really will start taking better care of myself in 2010.  It would be about time.  Maybe I’ll hold onto the one true thing I can always count on in life.  That this day, and every day I wake up, is a day I will look better than I will the day after, when I’m older, wrinklier, and more dried out than I was just one day before.

Hope your days have been as merry and bright as mine.

*Alternate title: Oh my gosh. That idiot finally wrote something.

I want a new computer!  Like really, really, a whole, whole lot want a new computer.  Probably a Mac!  And Photoshop!  And a new lens for the camera!  And someone to teach me all the cool tricks to take great pictures (or at least have Will/Cameron/Richey send me a tell-all cheat sheet on how to actually use the settings on my camera.  And don’t even try to use that whole “I’m a professional cinematographer” thing on me.  Like that means anything.)

My 22 week orientation to being a new RN is swiftly coming to an end.  The classes ended last week so now I work 36 hours on the unit every week.  That’s three 12-hour shifts.  I leave at 6pm and get home at 8am the next morning.  It makes for very long nights, but for the most part I am really enjoying the work.  There still are and there will always be hard nights but for the most part I am becoming more at ease, and more confident in my ability to do this.

When I get off orientation in November I will be on my own and able to pick up extra shifts.  Just in time for Christmas.  BANK.

Speaking of holidays, Avelyn’s Halloween costume is in the works.  It may or may not involve tulle, feathers, ribbons and felt.  I’m totally excited about it and really hope it turns out okay.  On the contrary, I am totally dreading Thanksgiving.  The stress of Thanksgiving with the in laws is starting to eat a hole in my stomach.  Maybe I will end up having to work… just maybe.

I have fallen in love with The Big Bang Theory. If you’ve never watched you need to, it’s hysterical.

I tried on black leggings this week for the first time since grade school.  The image in the mirror didn’t make me puke so I bought two shirts, black flats and a great sweater to go with them.  Unfortunately they didn’t have my size in the leggings.  I’m waiting on pins and needles and plan to look killer when I can pull it all together.  Ohhhhh just you wait.

Did I tell you we got suckered into watching Twilight a few weeks ago?  Netflix sent it by mistake so naturally we felt obligated to watch it before sending it back.  I take back every snide remark I made to all my friends in nursing school – Edward Cullen is haw-aw-aw-awt, and now I am trying to read the books before all my nursing buds go see the new movie on November 30th.  Honey, just plan for a Daddy-Daughter night in.  Mommy’s going out.

My Hobo is really starting to talk these days.  She doesn’t enunciate worth crap, but I know what she’s trying to say.  Oddly enough I think the clearest sounding word coming out of her mouth is “Mel-mo” or Elmo for you over 5 crowd.  I guess they read Elmo books at school because all of a sudden she knows who he is.  And as much as I try to keep television and commercialized kids stuff out of our house, that kid loves Mel-mo and I’ll be damned if I don’t love her loving on him.  Maybe Santa will bring a little Mel-mo home for Christmas.