HoboBaby

I spent most of my adult life holding firm to my own made up personal belief on how many kids was the “perfect” number.  It was a solid foundation too, and sounds good on paper.

Four.  I wanted four kids.  FOUR, people. Clearly I was drinking too much crazy water back then.  My aforementioned stupid theory on child rearing (From my 20′s) goes as follows:

ONE – I knew for sure I didn’t want just one child because on the one hand only children have a tendency to be spoiled, childish and unable to relate to their peers (in my experience) and on the other hand I didn’t want to have just one child because should (god forbid) anything happen to said child I would be left childless and that would be awful.

TWO – Two just didn’t make any sense either because two is such a small number and what if (again, god forbid) something happened to one child and I was left with a now-only child?  See previous statement.

THREE – Three kids just wasn’t a valid option.  Middle child syndrome.  The end.

FOUR – This seemed to be the perfect number to me.  I avoid the only child complex, the middle child complex  and the fear of going from two to one.

FIVE – Yes, there was a time when I thought five kids was a great idea.  But  inside the theory I fall back into a middle-child category and also, FIVE IS WAY TOO FREAKING MANY KIDS.  I WOULD GO INSANE.

Well, now that I’m old (did I mention I turned 30 in April?) and now that I have two amazing kids, I know this for sure: My twenty year old self is a childless know-it-all fool.

It will never matter how many, or how few, children I have.  I will love them all with every fiber of my being in a way that no one else ever will.  There is no perfect number, no ability to really put a stop on how many you “want” because no matter how many kids I end up with, whether planned or “oops!” babies, I would want each and every one of them and love them no matter first or second or middle or last.  Because they are mine.  And mine are amazing.

Maybe it’s because Avelyn is growing into the most incredible little girl, or maybe it’s because my Noah is EIGHT MONTHS of bubbly baby perfection, or maybe it’s because there are 6 pregnant nurses on my unit but man, I am already wistful for the feeling of new life. 

I guess what I’m saying is that even though I am done having kids, I have the two most amazing children the world has ever seen… so that means if ever there were a third he or she would be mindblowing.  No?